Telling someone who is dying




















Some people want to share important memories at the end of their lives and may feel comforted when someone stops to listen to a favorite story from their childhood. Others may have worries and fears they want to share. Listen without passing judgment and offer support and validation.

Sometimes a person in the process of dying will want to discuss what it has been like for them to go through this. This may feel uncomfortable for some, but it is especially important that your friend or family member gets to voice his or her concerns and questions.

He or she may want to talk about funeral plans , organ donation , or making a will. Listen, ask questions respectfully, and make sure they feel heard during this time. If they are agitated or frightened by these things, try to re-orient them to their surroundings and offer comfort by speaking in a soothing tone and letting them know they are safe. If they are comfortable with what they are experiencing, it is best not to argue with them and simply witness this part of their process.

It's always best to let the individual in the process of dying take the lead in terms of conversation topic and the tone of interaction.

This means that you enter into these interactions or visits without an agenda and are just there for your friend or family member. They may drop hints or mention off handedly some death-related thoughts. If so, you can ask if they'd like to talk about that with you a bit more.

The most important thing to remember when talking with someone who is in the process of dying is to speak from your heart. Be sincere, compassionate, and willing to listen. Showing up for them can help them feel supported, loved, and seen during this transition. Say, "Please don't tell anyone else what I'm telling you right now.

I want the news to come from me. Part 2. Start by telling them how much they mean to you. No one tires of being told how much someone else cares about them, so reiterating the importance of your friendship can help start this difficult discussion on a more positive note. Describe your situation as frankly and honestly as you can. However, you should be crystal clear that you are dying.

I am going to die, probably within 2 months. Ease their discomfort by being yourself. Tell them how you are feeling. Of course I get sad, scared, and angry thinking about it sometimes. Ask them to be understanding of your struggles. But please keep calling, because I want and need you to still be part of my life. Part 3. Accept that they may react in a number of different ways.

Instead, validate their feelings in the same way that you want them to accept yours. Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings. Some people will want to know the specific details of your condition, which may help them to accept the reality of your situation. Offer them specific ways they can help, if they ask. Maybe you could pick up a few things for me a couple times a week. Sometimes this initial conversation can feel like your last conversation.

Instead, focus on your desire to keep your relationship close right up to the end if that is your wish. Focus on making the most of your life and having your friend be a part of it.

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Related wikiHows How to. Breathe slowly to calm yourself. Keep yourself grounded by physically feeling your feet on the floor. This will help you to be present and accepting of what is happening. Don't be afraid to cry. Crying is a natural response to emotionally charged situations. Simply being beside someone in silence can be hugely comforting.

Let the person know they can talk to you if they need to. This gives them permission to talk in their own time, without expectation. Getting support Text. Bereavement counsellors. Her experiences have shaped her as a doctor. Another doctor I spoke with remembers a woman who came in soon after Christmas.

She looked at me. So how do doctors train for this moment? In a clinical examination room, with a bed in the corner, six medical students are about to find out. Nerves crackle in the air, a few people let out self-conscious laughs. The facilitator is referring to the two actors who have come to rehearse scenarios with the students, who are one year from being qualified doctors.

Understandably, they have a lot of concerns: about getting emotional, whether or not they should touch patients, saying the wrong thing, not saying the right thing, not saying anything at all. The scenarios are given out. Sharp intakes of breath. One scenario is based around telling a parent that their son has suspected schizophrenia. When the time comes, his neighbour heads for the door.

The rest of the group watch on a live video link, seated in plastic chairs in a half-moon in front of the screen. They touch their faces self-consciously, arms crossed protectively across their bodies. The speaker hisses. In the room sit a couple. The woman fiddles with her handbag, refusing to accept the news.

The man stares silently at his hands, fists clenched around his mobile phone. Researchers at Aristotle University in Greece have found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that telling a pretend patient that they had cancer was more stressful for a doctor than concealing the diagnosis. Finding the right time and place to have conversations about things such as progression of disease can be challenging, and patients react in all sorts of ways.



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